This Lent is completely different than any other Lents I have kept over the years. I am an “unchurched” pastor. Our former church was not able to support its full-time staff as well as its various ministries; so since August we have been searching for a new community. This is the first Lent for a long time where I have not planned any services, activities, dinners, programs… This is the first Lent where my life is shrouded with a strange silence. I am not used to it.
In the midst of waiting and silence, I have encountered Mustard Seed Associates. “Mustard Seed Associates (MSA) is a community of Jesus’ followers all over the world striving to create the future one mustard seed at a time. MSA provides resources and a network for committed followers of Jesus to anticipate the future, decode the culture, convey the Kingdom of God, and create new ways of being a difference and make a difference.” I do not know any of its members personally, only by what I see and read from the community website and blog. I would not have encountered this community had I not been “unchurched”.
MSA has given me a new sense of the Kingdom here and the now. We speak so much about going to church, being the church, doing the church, being the missional church… Even in Emerging Church circles I feel the same language is being recycled not to call the Church to repentance but to self-serve the needs of yet-another-generation driven by technological advancements. For me a community of Christ is where one may come to smell and taste the Kingdom of God. It is a group of people who journey with me to deepen my commitment to live sacrificially for the sake of Jesus… to pick up my cross and follow Christ to people and places where I would have never traveled alone.
This Lent I am participating with MSA’s Lenten activities including the Lenten Synchroblog. I am using Chris Sine’s Lenten guide, A Journey to Wholeness as well as other resources listed on her blog, Godspace. This first week is spent examining the brokenness of my inner self.
I am broken to the extent that I do not allow Jesus to restore my being, my life, my relationships into his likeness, his life, his values for relationships. I have heard over the years that once I am in Christ all is well. Not exactly...
Past hurts, unforgiveness, guilt, negative voices, destructive habits... continue to plague my life, my relationship with God and others as well as God's creation. The good news is that now I have the power through Christ to change and become whole... to become the person whom God intends me to be.
In Romans 12 we read, "So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."(Romans 12:1-2, The Message)
God's transformation in us is a daily journey of recognizing what is still broken and place it before Christ to be made whole. This daily journey is one of making choices which will require a sacrifice from us. I have been struck by what Chris Sine shared in the piece, Time to Clean House…
“One place I struggle with my false self is in regard to the values that underlie my actions. As our economy continues its downward spiral, I grapple with how to provide resources, meals, and technology with the constraints of a limited budget without jeopardizing my concern for the environment and the poor… It isn’t easy to choose to live by God’s kingdom values in all our actions, but to do otherwise would be to give in to the “false self.”
We live in a world that wants everything especially food, clothing, household goods, and technology, at bargain prices, but at what cost to the poor and the environment? For us to have free access to bargain prices for food, technology, and resources often means that those who produce and sell our goods are not paid a living wage. And our bargain goods are often produced in conditions that devastate the environment and add to our polluted air.
What concerns me most is that our obsession with bargains extends to our faith as well. We want to buy salvation and God’s grace at bargain prices too. My quest for bargains encourages me to believe that I don’t have to pay the full price for redemption either. Which is great because I would much rather settle for a relationship that demands little of me in terms of penitence or repentance. Like most Christians, I would rather experience God’s grace and forgiveness without sacrifice, without commitment, and without the need to change.”
These words challenge me to carefully look at how much I settle for bargain prices in my choices. In the past several months I have come to realize how much bargaining I have done over the years with God as a disciple, a pastor, a friend... In bargaining we not only enable others to conform but also compromise God's grace and mercy.
We have a tendency to focus so much on our sins and failings during Lent that we miss the opportunity to move forward with a desire to change. Henri Nouwen wrote, "There is an awareness of sin that does not lead to God but to self-preoccupation. Our temptation is to be so impressed by our sins and failings and so overwhelmed by our lack of generosity that we get stuck in a paralyzing guilt. It is the guilt that leads to introspection instead of directing our eyes to God. It is the guilt that has become an idol and therefore a form of pride. Lent is the time to break down this idol and to direct our attention to our loving Lord."
There is so much grace and mercy in God's love for me that I can boldly make the commitment to mend what is broken in my very self to experience the joy of salvation. The amazing part of this Lenten journey is that I am not alone. I feel strangely connected to those whom I do not know as we discover together what it means to embrace God's infinite mercy and love in our brokenness. I am not shrouded in silence anymore.
The challenge in moving forward is to commit myself to realize now more than ever that my choices will either build a better future for all or destroy even the smallest seeds which are being planted. For each week I have decided to follow a rule of life focusing on the themes from A Journey to Wholeness.
This week's rule of life is
To meditate on Isaiah 58,
To work towards giving up what has been negatively affecting my life,
To write a letter of affirmation to a friend who has touched my life,
To spend time in planning meals frugally--praying for all those who help bring my food to the table, focusing on those who have only $2 a day or less to spend to eat,
To fast from spending--how many days could I go without spending any money other than what my husband and I need?
I pray for God's guidance, wisdom and direction.
